The Hook Dare
by Kdibs227
Summary: A drunk Robin and David is never a good thing. A drunk Robin and David deciding to announce a dare that involves Hook? That's just asking for trouble.


Author's Note: So, this was supposed to be uploaded yesterday, but I was having a really bad day. So, enjoy some light hearted OUAT. Lord knows this show needs it... Read and Review guys!

* * *

Like most stupid ideas, David and Robin thought of this one while they were drinking. It was a late night, David had escaped to the pub for a quick bottle of beer, but ran into Robin. The two started talking, then ordered another round… and then another… and another. Until they were both so sloshed that they could barely see in front of their faces. The rest of the customers in the tavern seemed to get a kick out of seeing two of the most put together people in the town fall to pieces after a few pints of beer.

"You know what we need? A good act of thievery!" Robin slurred. David was propped up by one of the pillars and the archer was holding onto the counter for dear life.

"Like what, we can't steal now, we're heroes." David pointed out as he fumbled for his drink. The bartender, taking pity on him, held it out to him so that it wouldn't be spilled in his area. Robin waved his hand.

"Not stealing. Just borrowing. Like when Killy uses the boats. He always brings it back."

The two had gotten a bit of a crowd; what better entertainment was there when you had Prince Charming and Robin Hood drunk off their asses?

"Fine, fine, we'll borrow something. What should we borrow?"

They thought for a moment.

"We'll steal a hook! Killy's hook! That would be a fun challenge."

Had either of them been sober, they would have never even thought of doing this. Or saying it out loud either. The band of Merry Men were smirking, already taking bets amongst themselves as to who could get it first. But Robin and David didn't stop, already talking about making plans to get the prize.

They would both regret it.

When the morning came neither man recalled the conversation they had. Instead, they were focused more on not losing their stomachs to the porcelain throne. Snow yelled at David, not caring that he cringed at every word due to his headache, and said he shouldn't have been so stupid. Regina hadn't yelled, only gave Robin some water and told him to sleep it off. The whole thing didn't take off until a week later, when they were at the diner. Robin came in, all flustered, and told David they needed to talk. Confused, the man followed, telling the rest of his family that he'd be back.

"What's wrong?" David hoped it wasn't another villain. They'd just repaired the town since the last one. The archer looked caught between fear and a slight childhood glee. David didn't like either of those options.

"Do you remember when we got sloshed last week?" The very mention of that night caused David to flinch. Seeing that reaction, Robin pressed on. "Well, turns out we gave my men a rather stupid dare." That made David all the more nervous. Then again, Robin's band of men tended to enjoy challenges. It might not even be that bad.

It was.

"They want to do what?" David hissed. God, what a stupid idea!

"I know, but we can't stop them."

"Yes, we can. You're the leader, for Pete's sake. Tell them not to! Hook might just kill them!" This was such a bad idea. Granted, his best friend hadn't been noted for a good fashioned screaming fit for a few months, but David knew three things about the pirate.

Don't ever insult the Jolly Roger.

Don't ever insult Emma Swan.

And don't even think of touching his hook.

Judging from the look on Robin's face, David had a feeling they wouldn't be able to stop this.

Now, they knew that this was a bad idea. A terrible idea. But, there was a little part of them that was dying to see what would happen. Maybe Killian would enjoy it, or he might just try to skewer the first person to touch the metal appendage. Either way, they would deny any part in starting this whole thing. It was much safer for them.

"So, we're agreed then? We say we have no clue how they started this idea?" Robin clarified. David nodded.

"Exactly. If anyone asks, blame it on the alcohol."

"Isn't that a song or something?" David snapped his fingers under Robin's nose.

"Focus. We have limited chances at proving our innocence-"

"Oh which we have none to speak of."

"So," David pressed on. "We need to have solid reasoning. No one can know that we started all of this. God, what were we thinking that night? Sending your men off after a pirate?"

"Oh, don't worry so much about them. If anything, this will give them a refresher on how to be undetected." He flashed David a wry grin. "Plus, Roland loves to hear some good adventure tales."

They went back to the table after that, saying that they both had wanted to check out the jukebox. It was a flimsy excuse, but it must have worked enough, since the topic of conversation went right back to what had been before they left. Both men glared at each other when Emma and Killian walked in, as if daring the other to say something. Dinner went smoothly, and they both relaxed when it was time to go home. David starting thinking that the men might just give up this stupid challenge altogether. Robin wasn't so sure of that.

After finishing the meal, everyone broke off to do their own thing. David went off with his wife, and Robin went off to spend time with his son and Regina. When he was in the kitchen helping Regina make dinner, she told him about an interesting conversation she had overheard.

"I hear there's a bet going around town."

"Oh, really?" Robin tried to keep his voice neutral. Regina smirked.

"Yes, though, no one says what it is. I'm sure you could find out, right?"

Oh, god, she knew. And she knew that he knew she knew.

He and David were screwed.

* * *

If Killian had noticed that the Merry Men were making more of an effort to talk to him, he didn't say anything to Robin. David mentioned to him that the pirate knew something was up, but didn't really know what to think, and even Emma was noticing, too. None of it boded well for them, but they maintained the ruse and kept back and watched. They got to witness the first attempt two days later. One of the younger men in the outfit, Louis, had been talking to Hook for over an hour, and subtlety looking at the prize.

When it was time for Killian to leave, Louis went to shake hands, but tried to grab the hook. Killian easily intercepted him, and then walked out. Louis pouted, but didn't seem to discourage. David was shaking in silent laughter as Robin's friend came over and sat down next to him in the booth.

"Well, that didn't go well."

"You expected to get it on the first try?" Robin asked as he ate another fry off David's plate.

"No, but you should see some of the ideas going around. I almost feel bad for him." David could only laugh.

When he got home, Snow was making a cup of tea. Neal was in his high chair, playing with some sort of squishy toy. He could head voices coming from the upstairs loft area.

"Who's over?"

"Emma, Killian, and Henry. Turns out Henry rescued Hook from a couple of Robin's men. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" The look she was giving him told him that, yes, she did know that he had a clue what was happening, but he pointed upstairs and shook his head.

"Not until they leave, ok?" Snow nodded, but this wasn't the end of the conversation. Henry ended up staying for dinner, but Emma and Killian went back to their own house. After his grandson had left for Regina's, David sat down on the couch. Snow curled up next to him after she put Neal down for bed.

"Ok, spill." David told her all about how drunk he and Robin got, how they didn't even realize anyone was paying attention, and now it was too late to stop it without alerting Killian. Snow was laughing by the end of the explanation.

"Oh, that's so bad!" She tried to control her giggles, but she couldn't. Even the thought of someone trying to get the hook sent her into hysterics.

"I'm glad this is so funny for you. Killian is going to have our heads when he finds out."

"No, he's not. He'd probably get a kick out of it."

He shouldn't have left it at that, but it was late, they were tired, and David thought that his wife would leave it alone. She didn't; his wife, the former bandit, sent up a reward for the first person to get the hook. If Killian didn't know what was going on before, he did now.

The week progressed as follows: Killian would be approached, at least once a day, by one of the Merry Men. Said man would try and charm Killian into being distracted from his hook, and would fail. The pirate would notice what was happening at the last second and either move his arm or find a reason to leave. It was amusing, and frustrating, at the same time. Amusing since it had been a long time since they had had this much fun. Frustrating because this potential act of thievery wouldn't finish. For a band of thieves, they all were awful.

David was sitting in the police car, trying to do some sort of work, and he looked up when he heard the passenger door open. Robin slid in, trying to go quickly to avoid getting rain on the leather seat, and flashed him a grin.

"Hey there, buddy."

"What did you do?"

"Why do you always assume that I did something?" The archer flashed him a mock look of hurt.

"Because you never call me buddy."

"Well, I'm trying something new."

"Okay, seriously, what did you do?"

"Killian cornered me. I think he knows that we did something about this."

That statement sent a small tendril of fear down David's back. It had been a long time since he worried about his own safety, not that Hook would actually do anything to any of them, but he knew how the pirate could be when annoyed.

"Well, he isn't wrong. We did sort of start this mess. Confessing to him might be the only way to save our skins."

Giving in was never a strong trait of his, and judging Robin's expression, he didn't like it either. But they didn't have a choice. Killian could be coming right now to talk.

Their anxiety was for nothing. Killian did end up walking down the same street where David parked the car, but Henry was with him, and it seemed like the two were heavily involved in whatever conversation they were having. Robin, the man child that he was, had sunk down in his seat to avoid being seen. David glared at his friend the whole time, and when Killian and Henry were out of sight, he whacked the archer in the arm.

"Some help you are. Aren't you supposed to be brave?"

"He's got a sword."

"Not on him, you big baby!"

"You don't know that!" Frustrated, David hit his hands on the steering wheel.

"Ok, that's it. Buckle up, we're going to sit down, tell Hook, and then move on with our lives. If your men want to continue this stupid dare, then go right ahead. But I'm not going to sit here another day without telling him." Robin pouted the whole time they were driving. David pulled into the driveway leading to his home and had to drag Robin by the arm upstairs. When they walked in, Emma and Snow were on the couch, and so were Henry and Killian.

* * *

David felt dumb for walking into this. Snow knew something was up. Emma knew something was up. Henry stopped explaining whatever he was showing Killian to look at him, and Killian was waiting for him to start talking. Behind him, Robin was considering his chances for escape. David still kept a hold on his arm and pushed him into one of the open arm chairs. The archer crossed his arms and pouted.

"Alright, what did you do?" Emma finally asked. Her tone of voice showed that she wasn't amused by any of this. With good reason, David admitted quickly.

"Well, we haven't broken anything."

"Or gotten arrested."

"Or kill someone."

"We didn't release some awful dark magic creature."

"Or piss off Rumple."

"Or Regina."

"And nothing in town is destroyed."

"And no one got sucked through a portal."

Henry was trying to hold in his laughter, Killian was smirking, but the two women in the room didn't look amused. The look Snow was giving him clearly stated: if you don't confess within the next minute, I'm selling you out. That was a scary thought. David walked around the couch to get a soda and when he did come back, he patted Killian on the shoulder.

"Hey Hook?" The pirate tilted back his head to look up at the prince.

"Ya mate?"

"How angry would you be if me and idiot number two started a dare?"

"Not really angry."

"Ok. Would you be angry if the reason we started the dare was because we were talking about you?" At this point Killian was frowning at him. David looked up at Robin, but the archer shook his head. No way was he touching this.

"Why would I be the subject of your dare?" There was a hint of amusement in his tone and David prayed that it wouldn't go away. Emma hanging on to every word and her smirk was growing.

"Because Robin and I were drinking-"

"We were quite drunk."

"Yes," David huffed. "Very drunk. And we said how it might be fun to try and steal your hook. The Merry Men heard us and decided to go through with it." Emma started to laugh. Killian joined her a moment later.

"Oh god, I think we broke him." Robin moaned from his spot.

"That explains so much." Killian gasped out. Emma nodded from beside him.

"We were wondering about that."

Emma went in to describe how seemingly random people that had never even approached them before had tried to strike up conversations with Killian before trying to get the hook. At first, it was weird. Then annoying. Now it was downright funny. David just wanted the floor to swallow him whole and Robin kept glancing at the door and expected Killian to jump him. The man didn't though; he found the whole situation ridiculous and didn't care. It wasn't like he'd let anyone win.

"Wait, so you weren't going to let them win?" Robin asked. Hook smirked.

"Well, I could. I mean, I know all the bets." Emma was doubled over in laughter at this point. David pointed a finger at him.

"You knew there were bets?"

"Of course I did. Your men aren't exactly quiet when they talk, Robin. I figured out what was going on pretty quickly." The rest of the night moved on from that, Killian repeating that he wasn't angry and Robin kept asking him to ignore this whole mess. Snow was getting a kick out of all this. A sudden thought struck Robin.

"So you knew of all the bets?"

"Yes."

"Oh." The archer paused. "Were you planning on letting anyone win?" Killian sent him another smirk and went off to help Emma make the drinks for all of them. Robin didn't alert his men to the fact that Hook knew about the dare, since he had placed bets on people too, but he was now extremely curious to see if anyone would be able to win. Turns out the one person who wasn't even on the radar got to grab hold of the prize. Roland was sitting with him at the dinner, and Emma and Killian were at the counter. Regina was there too.

The little boy was happily munching on his fries when he saw the pirate. Sliding out of the booth, and ignoring the calls his father was making, Roland came right up to Killian. Patting his leg, and almost whacking Emma in the process, Roland waited eagerly for the adult to notice him. He didn't wait long. Killian swept him up and the kid relaxing into his hold. Regina and Robin just smiled at the trio and went back to their lunch. His son had progressed so much since coming here; it used to take Roland months just to say hello to someone.

However, no one could have suspected that little Roland, his kid that barely came up to someone's knee, would have leaned over and plucked the hook right out of Killian's brace. Robin nearly spilled his drink. The Merry Men, who had taken to following Killian around, all started yelling. Ruffling his hair, Killian let Roland go back to his family, beaming at the prize in his hand.

"Alright, men," Regina stood up and walked over to the band of former thieves. "Pay up." Grumbling, all of them reached into their pockets. Robin could only gap at his son.

"You bet on my son."

"Of course I did. I knew none of these guys would be able to pull it off."

"Why would you even bet on him?" Robin asked in an exasperated tone. Killian snorted into his soda as Emma looked on.

"Well, you see, you aren't the only person who has a past history of thievery."

"And that means what?" Robin turned the pointed end of the hook away from Roland's face.

"It means that Killian, Roland, and I rigged it. We did have to get some fun out of this."

After that, no one ever created a dare that involved Hook.


End file.
